20150723: I have this little problem ...

I have this little problem...

I have this little problem
When I sit on the dunny:
My tummy just won't work -
And No! it's not funny!

I asked the medics what to do;
You could try standing on your head, 
or taking these green pills
But nothing works, I said.

And the medics just stood and murmured
and collectively shook their heads
There's nothing we can do for you -
You'll just have to burst, they said...

So I thought upon my growing belly
And how to get rid of it all;
The creative juices finally won
as I sat in the toilet stall -

I stick a running hose up my bum,
and rush to the dunny real quick;
Just don't get in my way -
I'm moving at a double quick run...

When friends talk about number twos
I think of my little hose -
How I do my business my way,
exactly how, nobody knows.  

© Jimali McKinnon, a day ago

prompt: write about your poo, create a beautiful write, any poems written WHILE pooing will get special attention.
Note: "dunny" is Australian vernacular for toilet.  As this process takes time I often take my iPhone with me - this was written in the dunny.

Submitted to the All.Poetry.comm contest "Write a poem about your No 2s and make it funny".  Closes 5 August 15